Bath Time Behavior – Cleansing

It has been raining a lot lately and I love the rain. I fell in love with her song when I was growing up in Jamaica. She was alive and majestic, a steady beat with intermittent crescendos beating down a hot tin roof.  There was nothing more awe inspiring than to watch a wall of rain rushing towards you as it makes its way washing over everything in sight. Just as she can be gentle water can also flood and drown you. I hold a sincere reverence for her transformative and dualistic power.

When she speaks, I listen and just like a good rain shower cleanses everything removing the thickness and the heaviness from our atmosphere so does a good bath.  I was moved to take a leisurely bath yesterday. Because why not!

I am having a field day these days playing with my herbal remedies and as such and I went in last night. My bath included my Cleanse and Clear Bath Salts, which includes Pink Himalayan Salt, Dead Sea Salt, Sea Salt, Epsom Salt and Baking Powder and a blend of herbs and flowers. But then I decided to add some hyssop and vervain, each herb was intentionally added. I felt as though I needed a lot of cleansing yesterday and I overindulged.

Hyssop has a long tradition of being used in rituals for purification, cleansing and consecrating holy places. It comes from the Hebrew word adobe or ezob which literally means “holy herb”. It says in the Bible “Purge me with hyssop, and I will be clean.”

Vervain also known as verbena was considered a sacred and powerful herb by the ancient Druids, Romans, Christians, Chinese and Egyptians alike. The name vervain comes from the Celtic term “ferfaen; “fer” meaning “to drive away” and “faen” meaning “a stone”.  They believe it had the ability to ward of witches, although witches use it in their brews and spells. Romans used vervain (verbena) as an altar plant in their temples and used bundles of it to sweep the altar. Egyptians believed that it came from the tears of the goddess Isis when she wept over the death of Osiris. The Ancient Egyptians and Chinese thought this herb had “hidden powers” and it was the herb of prophecy for the magi – the mystic sages of Persia. Christian lore believes that vervain was used to stop the bleeding of Jesus when he was crucified. The powers of vervain were supposedly very dependent on how the herb was used and who used the herb. When people still believed in vampires drinking the tea was recommended for protection and I distinctly remember when I was growing up watching all my vampire and witchey shows and the use of vervain to ward off vampires. When used in the bath it is perfect for protection and luck.

I added both these herds to my bath and soaked for about half and hour and I swear I felt like a new woman. I slept like the dead and had beautiful delicious dreams and feel like a new woman.

Tip: While the bath time photos of all the flowers are beautiful, in order to save my pipes and not block the drain, I measure out how much bath salts and herbs I want to use into a bowl or a cup and then pour it all into a finely meshed pouch. This allows for all the salts and herb constituents to be dissolved into the water while keeping the herbs in the bag for better disposal.

8/8/18 Lion’s Gate Tarot Spread

The Dark Days Tarot by Wren McMurdo

Sharing my tarot experience is not something that I normally do. I usually pull cards for myself to get answers on things that I might be struggling with. However today’s message was so potent with healing that I am sure that someone else can benefit from it as well.

The 8 of Cups signifies that there is some sort of sadness and sorrow surrounding loss or a sudden transition in your life that is keeping you stagnant and you may be self medicating. overworking or employing some method of escapist behavior in order to avoid dealing with this transition. The 7 of wands suggests that instead of avoiding what hurts you, confront it head on like the true warrior you are. Ask yourself, what can I learn from this? What is it teaching me? What direction should I take in light of the lessons I have learned? When you accept that truth share your healing and experience with others as the 8 of wands suggests. This is a moment to use your creativity to heal what ails you and as the 8 of pentacles suggests use this energy to work steadfastly towards your goals. Dive deep and use your pain to direct your work. Take it one day at a time and before you know it, you will emerge transformed and with a magnificent testimony to share. But you must put in that healing work.

Also, I find it so amazing that this spread has three 8s….today is 8/8/18. It is Lion’s Gate. The Lionsgate Portal is considered a gateway into the heavens and higher realms of consciousness. During this time it is easy to access higher realms and receive downloads from angels, messengers and your loved ones from the other side. It is also a perfect time for healing deep seeded wounds and opening and healing both the heart and third eye chakras and third eye awakenings.

888 as an Angel Number is a message that your life purpose is fully supported by the Universe. The Universe is abundant and generous and wants to reward you. 888 may also suggest that a phase in your life is about to end and is a sign of forewarning to enable you to prepare yourself and your life accordingly.

As confirmation, I pulled one more card from my Messages from the universe deck and voila.

The Universe has your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein

As I said, the cards do not lie and the message was absolutely delivered in Divine timing. Be gentle with yourselves dear ones, pain can teach you and heal you but it doesnt negate the hurt. Love up on yourself…purge, heal and rise to become a better version of yourself. The world needs you.

 

A Brief Lesson – Xaymaca

Pacification with the Maroon Negroes in the Island of Jamaica by Agostino Brunias

I am back with second installment that includes a condensed history – predating what Katherine picked up on in her book and to also point out some of the things she picked up on a historical note. I do believe that everything comes from somewhere, ideas are passed down from generations to generation and in some ways the origins are lost but their is always a start.

Jamaica, JamRock or it’s original name Xaymaca, which it was called by the first people the Tainos and Arawak Indians who inhabited the island pre-Columbus. The name Xaymaca means the land of wood and water which is wildly appropriate.

Jamaica was colonized originally by Spain between the years of 1509 and 1655 after being pirated by Christopher Columbus in 1494. He called the island Santiago (St. Jago) but the name never stuck. The Indians were enslaved and eventually wiped out most likely due to disease as in other regions of the world. The first Spanish settlement was called Sevilla Nueva (New Seville) and later a new settle called Villa de la Vega which is currently Spanish Town was established. After the Indians were wiped out the first African slave was brought to Jamaica to replace the workforce.

As European nations were all actively seeking to rule and conquer islands in the Caribbean for their own greed, the Spaniards and the British went to war over Jamaica. The Spaniards made Villa de la Vega their main area on the island and the British invaded it in 1596 and then again in 1643 and eventually captured it in 1655. As the Spanish fled the island they freed the slaves and armed them with weapons, these freed slaves made their way into the interior of the island, which was uninhabited and really overgrown with foliage and formed their own settlement..these slaves were called the Maroons. The word Maroon itself has its roots in the Spanish word cimarrón a word that was used to refer to runaway slaves, its meaning wild, unruly and some feel the word itself refers to the color which references the beautiful brownish red skin color. It should be noted that this term was used in other places in the Caribbean as well including Cuba, Puerto Rico, St. Vincent and Dominica but the largest and most well known are the Maroons in Accompong. These Africans hailed from the “the most warlike tribes of West Africa: Mandingoes, Gold Coast Koromantees, Eboes, Whydahs, or Papawa, Nagoes, Samboes, Congoes and Angolas.” (pg. 9) (As a side note slave posters from that time period seemed to list tribal information of runaway slaves often, most being referred to as Koromantee)

The British lured many settlers to the island by offering land portions for their plantations.  Sugarcane plantations were the biggest cash cow, along with coffee and cocoa and with this boom came the increase in human trafficking to the island. These slaves were privy to the information of the Maroons and with rebellions many slaves fled into the mountains to live with the Maroons and this caused quite an issue with the landowners who forced the British government to step in as runaway slaves being housed was bad for business.

The British government obliged by sending in groups of soldiers to capture the Maroons in the mountains and waged war on them but to no avail. Dunham states that one “scouting party after another, only to have them return, or at least part of them, with tales of black magic, forests that moved, and fierce black warriors who descended from nowhere, working their destruction, and were as quickly lose in the bush and tangle…” (pg.10)

Eventually they came to an agreement and a treaty was signed in 1740. In this treaty they were given the land they had now cultivated and established for themselves and given their rights as free men. However, one of the tenants of this same treaty was that in order to enjoy this freedom the Maroons would have to return any runaways back to the British for which they were paid, a tactic that I am sure caused the distrust towards the Maroons—one that is apparent in Katherine’s book.  “The other natives of Jamaica, particularly of Kingston, have fostered an old prejudice about the Maroons which has well-nigh reached the state of taboo. Because this cock-pit country is wild and inaccessible, there is little contact with the world beyond the Balaclava court or the market…..and the people are called inhospitable and hostile. Because they are by treaty not a part of the Jamaican government proper, they are looked upon as inferiors by their stepbrothers who enjoy the synthetic glamour of British colonial supremacy. Because they are independent and in no manner easy to exploit, they are termed suspicious and unapproachable.” (pg. 83)

As a result, the Maroons history has had quite the effect on the island and it isn’t unlikely to hear someone who is rebellious being being referred to as a Maroon or having Maroon blood in them. And then there are those who are ashamed of their Africaness and are flooded with the sentiment of their own oppressors so much so that they view their free brothers with disdain and unwarranted prejudices curated to incite separation from those who fought tooth and nail to be free. Quite sad really. However, this seclusion from the rest of the island preserves a lot of the African culture to some degree and should in my humble estimation should be copied and reintegrated into current lives. It is the closest we will be to our Motherland, to the cultural and spiritual practices of our ancestors.

As a Jamaican, a proud one, stories about the Maroons make me proud as shit. And I am also aware of the schism that slavery has created among Jamaicans who wholeheartedly cling to their Africaness and those who are ingrained and indoctrinated with British thought patterns towards our own. Its a design and a mindset that should be broken. They tired to bury us but they did not know we were seeds and seeds can only produce the fruit from the tree it was spawned not replicate the wind.

Journey to Accompong – Katherine Dunham

Illustrations throughout the book done by Ted Cook

Last week sometime I just read the most amazing book, at least in my estimation and I went back and forth about reviewing it. Seeing as though I have been talking about it non stop, I figured what the hell, might as well write it all down and share it. I have been really digging deep into my own personal history and my family history as well. Trying to in a way reconnect with all the things I felt as if I had lost. I am channeling my Sankofa, go back and fetch it vibes all summer 18 and this was perfect timing. I happened across the book on someone’s Instagram page and since I am always on my Instagram discovery page, I cant even begin to tell you who it was. I just remember they were doing a celebration dance for Katherine Dunham who pass a few years back in gratitude for all she had thought them in the way of dance. I looked her up and was surprised to see that she had written a book about her stay in Jamaica and so I HAD to read it. The book is called Journey to Accompong and it was written by Katherine Dunham and published in 1946. Katherine Dunham was a dancer, choreographer, teacher and anthropologist.  She earned a Fellowship with the University of Chicago for the purpose of studying anthropology and primitive dance in the West Indies. She traveled to different islands to live and learn and one of her stops was my lovely island home….Jamaica. I live for firsthand tellings of events and this book was better than I could have imagined because it actually confirmed, reaffirmed and taught me some things along the way. Where do I begin… First off I want to say Rest In Power To Katherine Dunham…to move and live in a place far off the beaten path, travel around the world and put yourself out there is a pretty bad ass thing to do. It takes grit and I tip my hat off to her.

I will most likely have to break this review down in several parts because there a few aspects that I want to go into detail more than others. But her book focused on dance, (obviously), musical instruments, sexuality, courting rituals, interpersonal relationships between men women and their children, artistry, historical references especially centering witchcraft and obeah, as well as cultural practices and the loss of tradition and rituals.

It was a wealth of information and it was surprising to see that a lot of what she observed in the 1940s for the most part still ring true for me as I was raised in Jamaica and can attest to its presence. Particularly shame as a method of obedience and child rearing, sexual fluidity and shame amongst Jamaicans for their Africaness.

As stated before I will come back and discuss the elements that I liked the most. I will begin with who the Maroons were. I have always found them fascinating and so to see a upclose reporting of their lives from back them was simply fascinating.

 

 

Amateur Geneologist

Building on my last post I wanted to share information on becoming an amateur genealogist of sorts. I have had the pleasure and delight to work on family trees of some of my close friends, telling them about ancestors they had never even heard about and sharing information based on what I discover along the way.

Why is genealogy important?

sankofa bird

This is of course, my own personal philosophy and take on the matter. Connection to the people before can benefit your life in many ways. There is a phrase Sankofa which basically means to go back and fetch it. It simply is a way of saying, in order to know where you are going, you have to know from where you came. Looking at genealogy records allow you the opportunity to track your family back as far as records allow, putting a name to the people who gave you your eyes, your smile or that insane sense of humor. Sometimes you will discover patterns of behavior, patterns that may be apparent in your own life! Building your tree and using the chart from the last post can answer questions about why your parents may have acted the way they did or why they are silent about their pasts. You can sometimes find in the documents a record of your ancestors strengths, weaknesses, characters, beliefs, talents, passions; again you might find uncanny similarities between their lives and your own. Practically speaking, death records can provide you a medical history which is definitely a game changer in the way that you approach building a healthier life knowing what ailments you may be predisposed to. Quite frankly, and this is probably my nerd flag flying high it actually brings history alive when you discover a family member who might have lived through some important periods in history.

How do you begin?

It begins with you! The simplest way is to speak to your family members. Ask your parents, grandparents, close family friends…the older the better. Ask for anecdotal stories, family legends….some will be false but others can be substantiated via records. Try to dig into their personal stories, their likes, dislikes, favorite foods, information about their personalities, temperament and really try to connect to these people in any way that you can. In some cases, you might notice resistance to even sharing the information, there is a story there. Most likely a painful one, prepare yourself for what you may find.

If that information is unavailable to you in any way then you can start with your own birth records. Vital records (birth, death, marriage certificates) hold key information. You can find your parents on your birth certificate and the place where you were born. If you are an astrology fan getting a certified birth certificate can even help you with creating your own natal chart. If your parents are not alive their death certificate will list the names of their parents and you can go backwards using that information, most importantly you can also see the causes of death, which as I mentioned before can be very helpful. Marriage licenses can sometimes hold the names of the couples parents as well.

Another source of information is the census. That hands down will give you a glimpse into the family structure, any siblings, how they lived, where they lived, occupation and sometimes finances. Censuses can also help picking up leads on dead ends because if you are unable to track your direct descendant or if they disappear off of paperwork or move to another state having a list of the other family members can help you get back on the trail and identify that it is your family record and not another person with the same name. A census record can hold a wealth of information and using sites such as ancestry.com or familysearch.com can potentially give you downloadable copies of the information you find so that you can create your own little family tree book to be shared with your family or passed along to the next generation in your family. Ancestry has a paid membership plan, but family search is free, just sign up for an account.

DNA testing is a new more exciting avenue, if you choose to use ancestry.com, they sometimes offer discounted testing for $69. You will find offers on groupon or just through their email alerts. On the ancestry site, you will be linked to 1st, 2nd and 3rd cousins, some will add to your story others will want help with their own. There is a great community of amateur genealogists on there that can be helpful.

I will be adding additional information, I welcome questions so that I can provide specific advice and help as much as I can.

Happy Searching!

Deep Healing

I have been thinking a lot lately about the people who came before me, the ones that I don’t know…my ancestors. Seems so crazy to think that my mom has ascended to the ranks of being an ancestor. I knew her. Well. I knew a few people well also. My grandparents and great grandmother on my moms side. I know nothing really about my dads side. I have been trying to build on my family tree using a few genealogy sites and have even taken a blood test to determine my ethnicity. I went back as far as I could. It’s a little harder to do when you aren’t from this country and even harder as a person of color. I have done a few of my close friends. Anyone really who will allow me the opportunity to dig into their history. There is always such a fascination about people who you are directly related to but know nothing about except the information they have left behind. Gathering all the information a story starts to develop, a picture of a life and sometimes uncanny circumstances that continually repeat themselves through each generation. We are more connected to those who came before us than some of us will ever know and maybe if we took the time to reclaim some of these histories our future generations can benefit or learn from the triumphs and the failures. It gives us the ability to look at ourselves and make adjustments and corrections in our lives. I found this chart online. I am unsure of who put it together but it is a perfect representation of how genealogy can help us dissect and do some healing of generational repetitious behavior.

Fear and Justification

Some days I stare at this little wordpress app thing and dont ever open it. Nevermind the fact that I started it so that I could write again; to get back to the root of all things dearest to me. The written word, so many words, endless renumerations of the same sentiment described in the most heartbreaking of ways. I just love it. I really do. I love being transported to another time and another place or read something that taught me something I never knew. I always thought of words strung together like a delicate strands of pearls, every word perfectly placed.

Some days I will type out a whole entire piece. I read it, I like it and then fear ceases me. I tell myself I will review it tomorrow and make sure that its perfect before I publish it….because I am typical virgo. Nothing is ever good enough. Then when I do decide to read it, it seems so dated and irrelevant. Two other factors that stop me from doing the one thing I actually want to do.

My brain filters through a million little excuses most of which are bullshit. Its just fear wrapped in justifications. What are these second guesses and hesitations? It drives me nuts. I read the above quote today and it resonated and this madness must end.

Let everything that has breath…..grief and its lesson.

“The spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty has given me life”.  Job 33:4

There is nothing more precious and delicate than a life. Our breath is one of the greatest gifts that God bestows on us, the first and the last breaths are the most important ones we will take. We are celebratory at the birth of new babies, at the newness of it and the promise that life holds. However, as it begins so shall it also end; and death is seldom celebrated. More often than not it is mournful and painful. I can understand why. We mourn for the end of a relationship that can no longer be continued, fixed, remedied, nurtured and enjoyed. Its abrupt nature leaves us grasping for comfort outside of the memories we hold. If it is sudden or due to something beyond our control, we feel as though this person has been ripped from us and we were unable to process or prepare for this transition. Grief is a personal process, no two grieving processes look the same. A few days ago, I saw a post online that said and I am paraphrasing her…instead of asking why this is happening to me, as yourself what is it trying to teach me.

On December 15th at 12:45, my mom took her last breath. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on September 3rd and the disease was aggressive and took her quickly. I am struggling with her passing. I don’t even think if I am being honest with myself that I believe it’s real. When I try to wrap my head around it, is when I break down. Today I am asking myself what is this experience trying to teach me? Cliché as it may sound…life is so fucking short. Logically speaking, we know our parents will no longer be around but then it happens it’s a hard ass smack in the face.

What am I doing with this one precious life that I have???? That is the question and the answer. This year for me is about living my best life, the life my mommy would have wanted me to live. I can get bogged down in how I feel and my anger or sadness about trivial matters and since my mom has passed all of that has fallen away. All of a sudden, I have a new purpose and mission for my life. Old goals have resurfaced and my focus is near clearer than it has been in a long time. My mother’s death has taught me, to do everything in the time that I have and not to take for granted each day that I have been gifted, to chase my goals, share the gifts that I have, love fiercely those who I love and never for a moment allow them to think that that I don’t love them, take risks, see the world, eat and be well, don’t succumb and get bogged down in lower feelings, they come and go and some of them are my own fears creeping up around me but to always push through.

I will forever mourn the loss of my mother but I choose at this time to hold onto the valuable things she left me with.

R.I.P. Dawnie

Words Hold Weight

Shinola Detroit

I purchased my journals for 2018 and got them in the mail today. I’m so in love with them. Shinola Detroit had free engraving and I believe free shipping for the holiday season. I had to have them engraved because… who doesn’t like personalization. The pages are lined and thick so when I go ham between the pages with colored markers it doesn’t seep through to the next page. Which is such a major plus to me. I like to write in color, staple, paste all sorts of things in my journal and the pages hold up so well. And then, for me the hand written thank you note….ahh the devil is in the details. I have had a few colors and these two are my favorite thus far.

My first Shinola journal, I purchased from a shop located close to my job and when I went back to purchase a new one, I was speaking to the clerk and he told me that he had a friend whose father had passed and his father had kept a journal before he was even conceived. When his father passed passed he read through all the journals. His father had chronicled 30+ years of his life, taking the time to write something each and every day, even if nothing spectacular happened. He noted it. He was able to see all the things his father went through, and their similar struggles and got lessons from his father even though he was no longer around. There is something so priceless and special about that. A written word is infinite and holds such weight especially to those who are bare and transparent between those pages.

I have been pouring myself onto the pages of my journal these days. More now than ever before and it feels good to look back and see all the things that have happened, challenges I have worked through and truths about myself….and the work I have been putting in. It makes me proud of myself, that I am always striving to be the best version of myself. Even if its not always in ways that can be quantified and qualified to the outside world. I have been working on my interior, the part of me that counts the most. And at the closing of this year I can honestly say, I am strong as fuck.

How do you journal? What do you write about? What do you explore? Chronicle?

Happy Writing!

Magic School Bus

I have been thinking a lot about sharing my writing, experimenting with form and content and playing with different methods of writing and sharing it. EEK the scare of it all. I have content that I want to share and ideas I would like to discuss and I want to be extra and add some flair to it. I am working on character profiles, on the idea of slipping into the mind of my character and speaking as though I was them. It helps me understand the character I am creating, their motivations and attitude towards life and then subsequently what action they would take. I am writing character sketches. I want to discover a character that I fall in love with and will want to weave into my work. How to describe them through actions as opposed to words and when and how to use those words when necessary.

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Tonight, I feel like electricity is running through my veins; hot and bright it was zipping around and setting my skin on fire. There was a warm swirling feeling of air in my belly and I felt the energy of the eclipse all around me. The air was palpable, taut, familiar and comforting like a cloud lifting me to places I dreamt of. Where the dreams that live inside are peeking out into the sunlight and bursting with the fullness of wanting to share this journey called life. It was as if a doorway had creaked open silently and slipped shut as though something or someone had slid through and stepped out into the light. It is an awakening, the flames that lay inside smoldering but kept low by the winds of changing priorities and life but are always in the front of the back of my mind and were ignited. Today reminds me of how miniscule I truly am watching the moon blocking the earth from the sun. We are suspended in air floating in the ether grounded but yet soaring free and as a result I should mimic the earth and be in constant motion ebbing and flowing as well. Life is about movement and progression.

Painting was something that I loved to do. On the weekends, the easel would call my name, drawing me out late into the night and I wouldn’t retire until the sun dawned the sky. During real life, I have a 9 to 5 and it takes up all of my days, sapping my energy and not allowing me to commit time to the art that I love. The energy builds up within me and I feel the rush and the desire to breathe life into something because it breathes life into me. There is no greater feeling than to start with a blank easel and create something from the first line to the last dash of color. It’s never perfect enough, it could always be a little bit better, but when it’s done you can feel it. A slight feeling of gentle satisfaction. I started with my home, an old refurbish school bus whose appearance from the outside belies its size inside. I painted her green, purple, yellow and blues, radiant and dancing along the side. She dances with energy and spirit and it is a representation of me, my spirit and my energy in motion and tonight because I am moving, I parked my magic school bus for a while to sink into the energy alive around me.