Let everything that has breath…..grief and its lesson.

“The spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty has given me life”.  Job 33:4

There is nothing more precious and delicate than a life. Our breath is one of the greatest gifts that God bestows on us, the first and the last breaths are the most important ones we will take. We are celebratory at the birth of new babies, at the newness of it and the promise that life holds. However, as it begins so shall it also end; and death is seldom celebrated. More often than not it is mournful and painful. I can understand why. We mourn for the end of a relationship that can no longer be continued, fixed, remedied, nurtured and enjoyed. Its abrupt nature leaves us grasping for comfort outside of the memories we hold. If it is sudden or due to something beyond our control, we feel as though this person has been ripped from us and we were unable to process or prepare for this transition. Grief is a personal process, no two grieving processes look the same. A few days ago, I saw a post online that said and I am paraphrasing her…instead of asking why this is happening to me, as yourself what is it trying to teach me.

On December 15th at 12:45, my mom took her last breath. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on September 3rd and the disease was aggressive and took her quickly. I am struggling with her passing. I don’t even think if I am being honest with myself that I believe it’s real. When I try to wrap my head around it, is when I break down. Today I am asking myself what is this experience trying to teach me? Cliché as it may sound…life is so fucking short. Logically speaking, we know our parents will no longer be around but then it happens it’s a hard ass smack in the face.

What am I doing with this one precious life that I have???? That is the question and the answer. This year for me is about living my best life, the life my mommy would have wanted me to live. I can get bogged down in how I feel and my anger or sadness about trivial matters and since my mom has passed all of that has fallen away. All of a sudden, I have a new purpose and mission for my life. Old goals have resurfaced and my focus is near clearer than it has been in a long time. My mother’s death has taught me, to do everything in the time that I have and not to take for granted each day that I have been gifted, to chase my goals, share the gifts that I have, love fiercely those who I love and never for a moment allow them to think that that I don’t love them, take risks, see the world, eat and be well, don’t succumb and get bogged down in lower feelings, they come and go and some of them are my own fears creeping up around me but to always push through.

I will forever mourn the loss of my mother but I choose at this time to hold onto the valuable things she left me with.

R.I.P. Dawnie


Mood: Overjoyed and Grateful

I have had a headache for a few days and it is gone. I have
been stressing and unable to sleep but that too is lifting. There has been an
almost imperceptible shift in the atmosphere; Mercury out of retrograde and the
full moon beaming down with its Scorpio energy is bringing revelations on all
fronts. It has brought clarity and answers in unexpected ways. Life is funny;
it has a way of knocking you on your ass, picking you up and teaching you
lessons. I am hardheaded – I must admit. There are times when I do not listen.
I have been struggling with three principles that I have been diligently
working to implement into my life. The idea of surrendering. Letting go and
letting God take the reins and allowing Him to lead me down the path where I
should walk.

The idea of focusing on myself and my goals and not allowing
negative energy and people to take me away from my lifelong purpose and

And the idea of Blooming. Not
in the future but to unfurl the beauty that resides in me that no one else can
possess. The flowering of my mind, my body and spirit exclusive of those around
me because none of our journeys are the same and as the adage goes, “A flower
does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.”

I am to do the same. And not when the situation is peachy but like the lotus, I
might have to bloom even through some shit.

People may not like me, and they don’t have to. I like me. I
like the person that I am becoming, and it has taken so long to get here but
today …today is a gift to me. A beautiful sparkling gift, that makes me so
happy I am damn near ready to go dance nekkid in the moonlight. (kidding not

I accept the journey the universe is taking me on with grace
and total surrender. I am willing and open to the benevolence of my Creator and
the blessings he has in store for me. I am feeling extremely nostalgic and
grateful for the humans placed in my life that have helped me cultivate this
garden I am growing. I am keenly aware that I do not walk alone in this life
and that I am covered with unconditional love even when I don’t feel like I am.
I am  blessed. And I am exceedingly