In my head

photo art Igor Morski 5

My lesson this week is to get out of my own way. In one way or another this message has been presenting itself to me and it has been resonating with me on so many levels. I tend to be in my head about a lot of things. Thinking of different ideas and artistic endeavors that for the large part remain untapped or unexplored for varying reasons. The major reason, I am ashamed to admit is fear. Somewhere in the back of my head, I am fearful that my creation or expression will not be received in the right way or that I will be revealing too much of myself and my private nature cringes at the thought. I have been working through some content in my head, but for the large part it has been in my head. Which needs to change. It’s about to be a journey down the rabbit hole my friends; with with many twists and turns and seemingly unrelated topics, might just be plain random at times but there is a point somewhere.

I have been in contemplation about life. What motivates me? What do I want and need in my life? What makes me happy? What makes me sad? My mind constantly going over my life and putting events into perspective. What do they all mean to me at this stage in my growth process?  My wheels are decidedly turning and I can feel a shift in my life…call it maturity, call it growth…but I am curious to know how many people ponder on these things and what their outlook is.

Mood: Overjoyed and Grateful

I have had a headache for a few days and it is gone. I have
been stressing and unable to sleep but that too is lifting. There has been an
almost imperceptible shift in the atmosphere; Mercury out of retrograde and the
full moon beaming down with its Scorpio energy is bringing revelations on all
fronts. It has brought clarity and answers in unexpected ways. Life is funny;
it has a way of knocking you on your ass, picking you up and teaching you
lessons. I am hardheaded – I must admit. There are times when I do not listen.
I have been struggling with three principles that I have been diligently
working to implement into my life. The idea of surrendering. Letting go and
letting God take the reins and allowing Him to lead me down the path where I
should walk.

The idea of focusing on myself and my goals and not allowing
negative energy and people to take me away from my lifelong purpose and
mission.

And the idea of Blooming. Not
in the future but to unfurl the beauty that resides in me that no one else can
possess. The flowering of my mind, my body and spirit exclusive of those around
me because none of our journeys are the same and as the adage goes, “A flower
does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.”

I am to do the same. And not when the situation is peachy but like the lotus, I
might have to bloom even through some shit.

People may not like me, and they don’t have to. I like me. I
like the person that I am becoming, and it has taken so long to get here but
today …today is a gift to me. A beautiful sparkling gift, that makes me so
happy I am damn near ready to go dance nekkid in the moonlight. (kidding not
kidding)

I accept the journey the universe is taking me on with grace
and total surrender. I am willing and open to the benevolence of my Creator and
the blessings he has in store for me. I am feeling extremely nostalgic and
grateful for the humans placed in my life that have helped me cultivate this
garden I am growing. I am keenly aware that I do not walk alone in this life
and that I am covered with unconditional love even when I don’t feel like I am.
I am  blessed. And I am exceedingly
grateful.

Grateful

There are so many things that I can complain about. I am not where I want to be in a few areas in my life but I have to be grateful for the things that I do have. I met with my writing group last night and they are one of the biggest joys in my life. We are literally the UN of writing, various cultures and backgrounds but we click on so many levels, meeting with them is like medicine. No matter where I am mentally, emotionally when I leave them my energy has shifted and I feel renewed. It feels good to be a part of a community of writers who go beyond just the writing and are legitimate friends. If I am  being honest, I am surrounded at this point in my life with people who want the best for me and vice versa. I have nothing but an abundance of love and support and people who are encouraging me to work towards being my best self. That was not always the case and it feels amazing.

Reminds of a a text I once read: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

So my mood today is grateful. What or who are you grateful for today?